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Mom-a-Logue
07Friday, September 7
"I divide my bills into three categories: late
bills, late, late bills, and "Would you like to buy my kidney? bills."
- Margot Black
"I think it's really important to maintain a Positive Attitude. It might not solve all your problems, but if you keep it up long enough, it'll piss off enough people to make it worthwhile." - Margot Black
What's the secret ingredient in "Joke Soup"? Margot Black!
"Why
would anyone want to read Soap Opera Digest?
You're reading gossip
about people who don't exist."
"Every time I see a TV evangelist I can't help but think that if God wanted to talk to me through the TV, I think he could get a spot on a major network."
"People are going on dates now to coffee bars. This is the worst idea. Four cappuccinos later, your date doesn't look any better."
"If I have phone sex to avoid getting pregnant, is that caller IUD?"
The
Comedy Thesaurus features Margot Black
Finally
a reference book you can use!
"You can tell a lot about someone personality by how he orders coffee. "Decaf please, skim milk, no sugar." That's the kind of a guy who goes through the car wash wearing a seat belt."
"Dating is dumb. Basically you're making false judgment based on false exteriors. Oh, sure my superficial self likes your superficial self, but the real me likes your roommate."
"Most major religions use hell as a deterrent to bad activity. But I find the concept of hell quite comforting because, hey, I figure, at least I'll know people."
"Men are like flowers. If you don't' know how to handle a rose, you get stuck with a couple of pricks."
"Men and women just look at life completely different. Women are playing chess; we plan relationships ten moves ahead. Meanwhile, the guy is playing checkers, playing just one move ahead thinking, "Jump me!"
"The story of Adam and Eve made no sense to me. Eve is responsible for the entire decline of humanity because she was tempted by an apple. Don't you think God overreacted just a tad? It's not like Eve ate God's last Oreo."
She's
So Funny
The title says it all!
"People are going to dates to coffee bars... this is the worst idea. Four cappuccinos later, your date does not look any better."
"Studies show that women who drink more than three cups of coffee each day are less likely to commit suicide. No duh! Who could hold a gun steady?"
"I think it's really important to maintain a positive attitude. It might not solve all your problems, but keep it up long enough and it will piss off enough people to make it worthwhile."
"I divide my bills into three categories: late bills; late, late bills; and "would you buy my kidney?" bills."
"I just read a new book about how to catch a man. I did pretty good, I've got three of them stuffed and mounted."
"I love my friends. Without them, I'd be the most screwed up person I know."
"Sometimes I can be a real slob. I once walked into my house and thought, "oh no, I've been robbed!" And then I realized I'd left it that way."
"I'm not a very self-destructive person, but mostly because I'm too lazy. I prefer to be in a relationship and let someone else do the work."
"Every time we make love, my boyfriend keeps telling me to let him know when I'm having an orgasm. which is difficult, because when I'm having one, he's usually not there."
"Why do women go to tanning salons? What a waste of time and money. Guys only like the white parts, anyway."
"As a little kid did you ever dream of growing up to be like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz? But then you get older and realize that you are just an extra in Reality Bites?"
Los
Angeles, The Best of LA
BEST COMEDIAN MARGOT BLACK AT THE COMEDY STORE:
"In my life, I never thought I'd have any kind of plastic surgery - until I moved to L. A. And now, I'll tell you, the minute my boobs start to sag, I'm having 'em picked up so high, I'll be wearing them as earrings."
Copyright © 2004 Margot Black All Rights Reserved