“I divide my bills into three categories: late bills, late bills, and “Would you like to buy my kidney? bills.” – Margot Black

“I think it’s really important to maintain a Positive Attitude.  It might not solve all your problems, but if you keep it up long enough, it’ll piss off enough people to make it worthwhile.”    – Margot Black

“Why would anyone want to read Soap Opera Digest? You’re reading gossip about people who don’t exist.” “Every time I see a TV evangelist I can’t help but think that if God wanted to talk to me through the TV, I think he could get a spot on a major network.” “People are going on dates now to coffee bars. This is the worst idea. Four cappuccinos later, your date

“You can tell a lot about someone personality by how he orders coffee.  “Decaf please, skim milk, no sugar.” That’s the kind of a guy who goes through the car wash wearing a seat belt.” “Dating is dumb.  Basically you’re making false judgment based on false exteriors.  Oh, sure my superficial self likes your superficial self, but the real me likes your roommate.” “Most major religions use hell as a

“I spend the next 14 hours with my cell phone in the back room at Circle K hovering over the fax machine.” Writing television had been my goal for lifetimes. Trees died, scripts stacked up on my shelves. I couldn’t get a foot in the door, but at least I’d given myself a fair shot at carpal tunnel syndrome.  Then one day it hit me: “I know, I’ll create my

“People are going to dates to coffee bars… this is the worst idea. Four cappuccinos later, your date does not look any better.” “Studies show that women who drink more than three cups of coffee each day are less likely to commit suicide. No duh! Who could hold a gun steady?” “I think it’s really important to maintain a positive attitude. It might not solve all your problems, but keep

“As a little kid did you ever dream of growing up to be like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz? But then you get older and realize that you are just an extra in Reality Bites?”

“In my life, I never thought I’d have any kind of plastic surgery – until I moved to L. A. And now, I’ll tell you, the minute my boobs start to sag, I’m having ’em picked up so high, I’ll be wearing them as earrings.”