“Why would anyone want to read Soap Opera Digest?
You’re reading gossip about people who don’t exist.”
“Every time I see a TV evangelist I can’t help but think that if God wanted to talk to me through the TV, I think he could get a spot on a major network.”
“People are going on dates now to coffee bars. This is the worst idea. Four cappuccinos later, your date doesn’t look any better.”
“If I have phone sex to avoid getting pregnant, is that caller IUD?”